REASONS TO BUY MY NOVEL

I love this time of year when all the chlamydia are in bloom.

Not enough of you uneducated miscreants bought my book last month, ruining my dream of becoming a drunken celebrity. Thanks a lot. Now I’m back here on this pathetic e-rag begging you to part with your vast wealth just so I can fill my lawn mower with gas.

In fact, any money from the book will be immediately turned over to eliminate all the parasites Marz has accumulated.

So, for the love of Dog, buy something from this sanctuary of capitalism and banish pinworms from Fudgie for at least a week.

YES. I will put it back here this month and REMOVE you from buying it. I have literally THOUSANDS of these pre-ordered. And to pay for it, I cashed in Fudgie’s college fund.

Haha! I laugh! I forged Liana’s signature and cashed in her 401k. BUT PLEASE DON’T SAY IT. Our marriage is already hanging by a thread since “Tarantula Town”.

TOP 11 REASONS TO BUY MY BOOK:

  1. 100% policy free.
  2. It’s short – only 202 pages, including all the crap the editor made me put in.
  3. There aren’t many multi-syllable words to trip up glue sniffers, auto-erotic asphyxiation buffs, people who crushed beer cans on their heads in college, and the like.
  4. Printed in a large font for all the geezers out there.
  5. You think it would be humorous/tragic to see what would happen to me with fame or wealth.
  6. I’ll sign him indescribably for another $400.
  7. Let’s go. Help an irritating and selfish guy.
  8. Pity
  9. If I get a favorable settlement from the manufacturer of the carburetor cleaner, I could be VERY generous to those of you who have purchased multiple copies.
  10. To keep the money from going to your ungrateful children after you die.
  11. I dropped the price below $10, you ghouls.

FUN FACT: THE COVER PHOTO LITERALLY LOOKS INTO MY WHISKEY GLASS.

DOGS DAY
WAS $15.75 – NOW ONLY $9.75
USE COUPON CODE: PLEASE
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