Anxious, Avoiding or Secure: “Tied” is the book that shapes how we understand love

Her feeling is that people will say, “I’m avoiding it, I guess I’ll never have a relationship.” ” ‘I am anxious. So I, I text him too many, and that’s why he doesn’t like me. These kinds of words have power.

Another criticism is that the book flattens the nuance of some very complicated ideas, and that its success is due in part to a wider tendency of people too eager to reduce themselves or others to one style (see: tests of Myers-Briggs, Enneagram typing, Signs of the Zodiac). They do this, the critic continues, in order to speak more of their own identity, rather than realizing that our behavior and attachment styles (and therefore, our identities) are not so precisely fixed, or attributable to a single one. thing, go the criticism.

“The is a specter, ”Dr. Levine said when I spoke to him in September. “But what the research reveals is that there is one predominant characteristic that you may find yourself gravitating to more. And I think it’s useful to know.

As for the review of the book to read in therapy? He agreed that would be ideal, but argued that while not everyone has access to therapy, most people have access to a library, and something is better than nothing. He also agreed that the book attempts to negotiate the fine line between being a wobbly academic treatise and being overly distilled – and it may not always succeed to the tastes of both sides.

In our interview, given that he had just read a series of arguments against his life’s work, he undoubtedly heard over and over again, Dr. Levine was a remarkably good sport. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he’s not a celebrity guru who speaks the globe, TED and endorsed by Oprah, but instead a sheepish Columbia scholar, shy and gently enthusiastic, who spends most of his days seeing patients, researching, writing and talking about neurodevelopmental conditions.

While forecasting increased sales during the pandemic, Dr. Levine remains as mystified by the book’s success over the past decade as anyone else. “I don’t think I fully realize it yet,” he said with a laugh. And no, he didn’t know anything about #AttachmentStyle TikTok.

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